How do you meet people if you are an introvert?

Being introverted is not a condition and, in itself, says nothing about how many friends you want to have. You might enjoy plenty of time alone, but miss having someone to walk with on a Sunday. Or you have enough acquaintances, but few conversations where you can share something personal. Being alone is not the same as being lonely. Therefore, don't start with the intention of becoming 'more social'. Instead, ask yourself at what specific moment you would appreciate company and what you would like to do together.

Consider also the form of contact. Do you want to see the same person regularly, join a small group occasionally, or exchange messages quietly first? These wishes require different choices. Moreover, more contacts are not automatically better contacts: a pleasant weekly appointment can be more valuable than a full calendar. If it helps, write down one sentence for yourself, such as: 'I am looking for someone to walk and catch up with once every fortnight.' This makes the search more focused.

When all the focus is on the conversation, getting to know someone can feel like you constantly have to say something interesting. A shared activity takes some of that pressure off. During drawing, a board game, or a walk, you can react to what is happening. A silence doesn't have to be filled immediately. Do choose something you actually enjoy yourself. Dragging yourself through a noisy activity just because there are people there makes it harder to have a relaxed interest in someone.

When looking at activities, don't just look at the topic, but also the circumstances. How large does the group seem, how long does it last, and is there a clear activity? If information is missing, you can ask in advance: 'I'd love to join, but I prefer small groups. How many participants are you expecting?' A fixed start and end time can also help. You know what to expect and don't have to decide on the spot how long you will stay. A first time can simply be an exploration.

Meeting online gives you time to choose your words, but you don't need to write an extensive life story. A few concrete talking points help someone more than 'I love socialising'. For example, mention that you like discussing books, prefer a quiet coffee over going out, or are looking for a walking buddy for short routes. State what you *do* enjoy, rather than just what you avoid. 'I like to get to know someone in a small group' gives others a clearer picture than 'I'm not very social'.

On Meet4Moments you can create a profile via free registration. You will find people who are open to friendly company. You don't have to use your introversion as a label, but you are of course welcome to mention your preference. Keep personal information limited: your home address, daily commutes and financial details do not belong in your profile or initial messages. A shared interest and a general idea of what you are looking for are enough to start a conversation.

A first message doesn't have to be original or witty. It helps most if it's clear why you are approaching this specific person. Look at members to see which interests or wishes match yours. Then pick one detail and ask a simple question about it. For example: 'You mentioned you like visiting museums. Do you prefer looking around quietly on your own, or do you enjoy chatting about it afterwards?' This gives the conversation direction without immediately asking for a lot of personal information.

Keep your message short enough to be answered without much preparation. A whole series of questions can unintentionally feel like a questionnaire. Instead, share something small about yourself: 'I like to browse at my own pace, but I enjoy a coffee afterwards.' You don't have to carry on multiple conversations at once if that requires a lot of focus. Exploring one contact quietly is also a valid approach. If there is no response or someone declines the contact, leave it at that. A lack of an answer doesn't tell you why someone isn't responding.

A meeting becomes more manageable when you don't have to spend a whole afternoon together right away. For example, suggest forty-five minutes of coffee in a quiet, public place. A short walk on a busy route is also possible, provided you agree on a clear starting point and a limited duration in advance. Via shouts you can post such a concrete proposal or respond to someone looking for something similar. Mention the activity and your preference for one-on-one contact, without suggesting that a close friendship must immediately arise from it.

For example, you could write: 'Shall we grab a coffee on Saturday around eleven? I have time until twelve.' That boundary isn't being unfriendly; it's useful information. Meet in public for the first time, do not share private addresses or financial details, and arrange your own transport. Perhaps let someone know where you are and read the information on meeting safely beforehand. If you don't feel comfortable, you are allowed to leave. You are not obliged to stay because the other person made an effort to come.

Good contact doesn't require you to use the most words. Listening attentively, asking follow-up questions, and showing something of yourself can carry a conversation just as well. Choose questions that build on what someone is saying. If the other person starts talking about cooking, you could ask what dish they like to make when they have guests. Then, perhaps, mention what you enjoy cooking yourself. This creates an exchange, rather than a situation where you only ask questions and the other person is constantly speaking.

You are also allowed to take a moment to think. A sentence like 'I need to think about that for a moment' makes a pause understandable without you needing to apologise. If you have little desire for small talk, don't expect a first meeting to become personal immediately. A conversation about the weather or the surroundings can help you get used to each other. At the same time, you don't have to answer everything. 'I'd rather keep that to myself for now' is a useful boundary. Also, notice if the other person respects your questions, silences, and boundaries.

Perhaps a meeting was pleasant, yet you are tired afterwards. That doesn't have to be a sign that the contact doesn't suit you. Take the rest of your day into account when planning. A meeting after a busy working day can feel different than the same appointment on a free morning. If necessary, follow it with a quiet evening. You don't have to earn that space by staying as long as possible or accepting an extra appointment.

If you want to see someone again, make the follow-up concrete but low-pressure. For example: 'I enjoyed walking together. Do you fancy another short round in a fortnight?' You don't have to message daily to show interest. It can actually help to mention your rhythm: 'I'm not on the platform every day, but I'd love to meet up again.' Also ask what the other person prefers. If your expectations are far apart, you don't have to force yourself to make the contact fit.

After a meeting, you might keep thinking about that one silence or an answer that sounded awkward in hindsight. Try to shift your focus to more useful questions. Could you be yourself? Was there mutual interest? Were you given space to tell your story? And would you like to see this person again, regardless of whether you 'came across well'? This way, you don't just judge your own behaviour, but also whether the contact has something to offer you. That is at least as important.

Not every pleasant meeting grows into a friendship. Sometimes it remains just doing an activity together, and that too can be valuable. After a first attempt, choose one small adjustment: a quieter place, a shorter meeting, or an activity that fits better. You don't have to change your entire personality. If you feel lonely for a long time and are also feeling low, discuss this with a healthcare professional or look for reputable mental health resources on loneliness. Seeking new contacts can be a step, but it is not a guaranteed solution and doesn't have to carry the weight of everything.