What can you do about loneliness?

Being alone is not the same as being lonely. An afternoon without company can be pleasant, whereas a birthday party full of people can feel distant. Therefore, don't just look at how many people you speak to, but at what you miss in those conversations. Are you looking for someone for everyday things, a confidential chat, or company for a specific interest? Perhaps you have enough acquaintances but no one to share your worries with. In that case, making more appointments is not necessarily the most appropriate step.

Take a few days to notice when the feeling of missing out is strongest. Is it during meals, after work, or when you’ve experienced something fun? Perhaps write down one sentence: 'I miss someone I can go outside with for a bit on Sundays.' This turns a big, difficult feeling into a more concrete need. You don't have to fulfil that need entirely right away. A first meeting can touch on one piece of it, without a close friendship having to form immediately.

Sometimes, what you need today is simply a less heavy evening, rather than an extensive plan for your social life. In that case, distinguish between what can provide relief now and what makes connection possible in the longer term. Preparing a meal, going for a walk, or simply sitting amongst other people can provide structure. This doesn't replace true connection, but it can help you get through a difficult period of the day. Choose something that is feasible with the energy you have at that moment.

If evenings are often difficult, you could suggest a contact moment in advance rather than waiting until it goes quiet. For example: 'Do you have ten minutes for a call on Thursday after dinner?' Additionally, leave room for something you enjoy doing independently. That way, the whole evening doesn't depend on a single response. If you don't get a reply, you don't have to immediately attach a judgement about yourself to that. At that moment, you don't yet know why someone hasn't answered.

Seeking new connections isn't always the first option. Sometimes there is a former colleague, family member, or acquaintance with whom contact has faded, without anything unpleasant having happened. After a move, divorce, or retirement, familiar routines can change, even if not everyone becomes lonely because of it. Think of someone you previously felt relaxed talking to. You don't have to break a long silence with an extensive explanation. A simple message can provide enough space to start again.

An example is: 'I was thinking about our lunch walks recently. Fancy catching up next week?' Make your proposal clear, but make it easy for them to decline. If someone can't make it, you can ask if another time suits better. If it remains quiet after that, let it rest. Not every old bond can be picked up again. Also, pay attention to how you feel with that person: a familiar contact is not automatically one where you find attention or understanding.

When you undertake something together, the conversation doesn't have to come out of thin air. During a walk, you can react to what you see; during a game or creative activity, there is a shared task. Don't just choose something that attracts a lot of people, but something you are personally interested in. For example, look at the activities to see which occupation fits your rhythm. Note practical differences: a small group or a larger gathering, sitting quietly or moving, participating once or returning more often.

A recurring appointment can be pleasant because you don't have to introduce yourself every time. You recognise faces and can continue talking about something from the previous time. However, you don't have to stay if the atmosphere doesn't suit you. Give yourself a modest goal for the first participation, such as having one conversation or discovering if you feel at ease there. You don't have to go home with a new friend to have tried something meaningful.

Searching for connection online becomes more manageable if you make a recognisable proposal. 'I'm looking for company' leaves a lot open. 'I like to walk for half an hour on Saturdays and am looking for someone who wants to get to know each other quietly' gives more to go on. On Meet4Moments, a platform for adults to make new connections and not a dating site, you can register for free. Creating a profile is free. Tell a bit about what you like to do and what kind of company fits with that. You don't have to share your entire personal history to be honest about your wishes.

Through the call-outs, you can respond to a concrete proposal or describe what you want to do yourself. If you prefer to first see who has the same interests, you can look among the members. Refer in a message to something specific they shared themselves, for example: 'You wrote that you enjoy visiting museums. Would you like to meet briefly first?' It's better to send a few targeted messages than many general greetings. That also makes replying more personal and simpler.

A first meeting doesn't have to last a whole afternoon. For example, agree to have a drink for forty-five minutes in a public place. A clear end time can provide peace of mind: you know what you are opting for and can think about how it went at your leisure afterwards. Do not share your private address or financial details and arrange your own transport so that you can leave independently. You can let someone you trust know where you are meeting. More points for attention can be found under safe meeting.

You are also allowed to set boundaries during the conversation. 'I'd rather talk about that later' is a sufficient answer to a personal question. You don't have to commit to a follow-up appointment to remain polite. Conversely, a rejection deserves the same respect: do not try to persuade someone anyway. If it was pleasant, you can simply say so and make a new proposal later. Do not judge the meeting solely on how much you talked, but also on mutual interest and the space to be yourself.

A nice introduction can give hope, but familiarity usually requires several meetings. You discover gradually whether someone keeps appointments, shows interest, and also takes initiative themselves. After a pleasant meeting, suggest something achievable, such as walking again in two weeks. Regularity doesn't have to mean you speak to each other constantly. For some people, a monthly appointment fits better than weekly contact. Being an introvert is not a condition and does not require a correction: you are allowed to need company as well as time without others.

Deepening occurs not only by meeting more often, but also by showing a bit more of yourself and listening attentively. For example, you could say: 'Since my daily rhythm changed, I sometimes miss having someone to talk to.' See how the other person reacts before sharing more. Later, also ask back about something they told you. At the same time, you don't have to seek all your support from one person. Different connections can offer different things, such as laughing together, doing something active, or having a serious conversation.

It can be discouraging if you make an effort and yet continue to feel lonely. That doesn't automatically mean you are doing something wrong. Connection might not happen, might not fit, or might be less deep than you had hoped. In that case, see if your approach aligns with what you truly miss. If you mainly need trust, a full diary might not help much. If you find it difficult to come up with steps yourself, you can ask someone you trust to think along with you about one achievable next step.

Discuss long-term loneliness combined with low mood with your GP. You can also read guidance from professional health resources regarding mental wellbeing. A platform or activity is not a medical treatment and offers no guaranteed solution. For the coming week, your goal may remain small: send one message, look at a suitable activity, or tell someone that you miss social contact. Afterwards, don't just evaluate whether a friendship formed immediately. Ask yourself whether you know more clearly what company suits you and which step you would like to try again.